{"id":44,"date":"2007-04-20T17:20:35","date_gmt":"2007-04-20T17:20:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/blog\/?p=44"},"modified":"2009-02-26T21:47:15","modified_gmt":"2009-02-26T21:47:15","slug":"how-to-be-kevin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/?p=44","title":{"rendered":"How To Be Kevin!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align:center\">How To Be A Kevin:<\/p>\n<p><br \/><br \/>Attire:<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Camouflage Bucket Hat, Preferably Slightly Worn<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Flannel Shirt with Plaid Pattern, Preferably Green<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Sleeves Rolled Up To Just Below Elbow<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Front Must Be Completely Un-Buttoned<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Green T-Shirt Under Flannel Shirt<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Dark Jeans<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;White\/Light Colored Sneakers, Preferably Velcro<br \/><br \/>Grooming:<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Handlebar Moustache, No Other Facial Hair<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Long Hair, Possibly Mulleted, Obscured By Hat<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Cleanliness Level Equal To That Of One Day Worth of Outdoor Activity<br \/><br \/>Items To Possess:<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Budweiser Heavy Beer Can (In Hand)<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Drivers License (Left Front Pants Pocket)<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Additional Cards (Left Front Pants Pocket)<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Folded Paper (Left Front Pants Pocket)<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Single One Dollar Bill (Left Front Pants Pocket)<br \/><br \/>Items Not To Possess Under Any Circumstances:<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Coozie Cup<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Keys<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;One Hundred Dollar Bill<br \/>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Jesus&#8217;s head (body Is Appropriate If head Is Removed)<br \/><br \/>Quotes to Say:<ul><li>&#8220;If you really know the domestic violence thing, I&#8217;ve been attacked a buncha times!&#8221;<\/li><\/p>\n<li>&#8220;She broke Jesus&#8217;s head off on my headlight!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I never, punched, a woman, or anybody, I don&#8217;t even punch, nobody.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Let me drink the rest of my beer, will ya!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;You need a beer!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Why, I&#8217;m in my yard, I didn&#8217;t do nothing!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I didn&#8217;t drink enough!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Well I need my keys to lock my truck up with my 800 dollars worth of shit with my house and my boat and my everything!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Ok, I just need my keys, and a beer, and enough money to buy some more.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;We just got your daughter from the skating rink, with the boat on the back!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I&#8217;m sick of that little girl, call her momma a whore!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I hope your daughter takes you where you need to go!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Yea, I know what!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Can you give me some money back for some beer?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;So you&#8217;re gonna leave me with a dollar?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;You got your prescription money for your pills!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;With a dollar?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Dollar ain&#8217;t gonna go too far in Palm Beach County.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I&#8217;m gonna go over there and get mugged by the crack dealers!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Can I have my beer?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Where am I gonna go with a dollar and a beer?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I don&#8217;t even have a coozie cup.&#8221;<\/li>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How To Be A Kevin: Attire:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Camouflage Bucket Hat, Preferably Slightly Worn&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Flannel Shirt with Plaid Pattern, Preferably Green&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Sleeves Rolled Up To Just Below Elbow&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Front Must Be Completely Un-Buttoned&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Green T-Shirt Under Flannel Shirt&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Dark Jeans&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;White\/Light Colored Sneakers, Preferably VelcroGrooming:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Handlebar Moustache, No Other Facial Hair&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Long Hair, Possibly Mulleted, Obscured By Hat&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Cleanliness Level Equal To That Of One Day Worth [&hellip;]<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-44","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=44"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":408,"href":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44\/revisions\/408"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=44"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=44"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/surfrock66.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=44"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}