How To Be A Kevin:

Attire:
    Camouflage Bucket Hat, Preferably Slightly Worn
    Flannel Shirt with Plaid Pattern, Preferably Green
        Sleeves Rolled Up To Just Below Elbow
        Front Must Be Completely Un-Buttoned
    Green T-Shirt Under Flannel Shirt
    Dark Jeans
    White/Light Colored Sneakers, Preferably Velcro

Grooming:
    Handlebar Moustache, No Other Facial Hair
    Long Hair, Possibly Mulleted, Obscured By Hat
    Cleanliness Level Equal To That Of One Day Worth of Outdoor Activity

Items To Possess:
    Budweiser Heavy Beer Can (In Hand)
    Drivers License (Left Front Pants Pocket)
    Additional Cards (Left Front Pants Pocket)
    Folded Paper (Left Front Pants Pocket)
    Single One Dollar Bill (Left Front Pants Pocket)

Items Not To Possess Under Any Circumstances:
    Coozie Cup
    Keys
    One Hundred Dollar Bill
    Jesus's head (body Is Appropriate If head Is Removed)

Quotes to Say:

• "If you really know the domestic violence thing, I've been attacked a buncha times!"
• "She broke Jesus's head off on my headlight!"
• "I never, punched, a woman, or anybody, I don't even punch, nobody."
• "Let me drink the rest of my beer, will ya!"
• "You need a beer!"
• "Why, I'm in my yard, I didn't do nothing!"
• "I didn't drink enough!"
• "Well I need my keys to lock my truck up with my 800 dollars worth of shit with my house and my boat and my everything!"
• "Ok, I just need my keys, and a beer, and enough money to buy some more."
• "We just got your daughter from the skating rink, with the boat on the back!"
• "I'm sick of that little girl, call her momma a whore!"
• "I hope your daughter takes you where you need to go!"
• "Yea, I know what!"
• "Can you give me some money back for some beer?"
• "So you're gonna leave me with a dollar?"
• "You got your prescription money for your pills!"
• "With a dollar?"
• "Dollar ain't gonna go too far in Palm Beach County."
• "I'm gonna go over there and get mugged by the crack dealers!"
• "Can I have my beer?"
• "Where am I gonna go with a dollar and a beer?"
• "I don't even have a coozie cup."

Photo Evidence:

  I always knew staying up til 4 AM to watch reruns of cops would pay off, I saw this gem and now he's my hero. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: KEVIN!

I was pleasantly sleeping this morning when Ryan bursts into my room, saying "Joe, there's something outside you want to see!" I go outside and what to find, there's a large turtle walking around! I went outside and brought it in, figuring I'd let it sit in some water (there isn't any standing water around outside) and give it a meal.

As best as I could tell at first glance, the front claws were short which is the quickest way to tell it's a female. Later on in some online reading I discovered that in some species of turtles a cocave belly means male while a flat belly (Ok, since someone who knows something about turtles may read this, the plastron is the proper name for the bottom of the shell) so it may have been a male. Either way, seeing as how the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie came out today, I figured I should name it April O'Neil and designate it a girl. I've been having some trouble identifying the species, but I think it's an "Eastern Box Turtle." Here's another picture here.

Here's a view of the side of my friend here, from the side before she was confortable enough to come out of her shell.

April, looking around. This is a good shot to see some major charachistics: smooth shell (as opposed to rough or bumpy), orange spots on dark background, orange belly, orange spots on the leg scales, and orange pattern around the beak and on the top of the leg. Also, the plastron has a lot of orange on it.

A paper towel roll, for a size comparison.

Here's the short front claws, I wanted a closeup to see why I thought she was female. Maybe the claw trick only works in map turtles?

More claw.

The top of the shell, she was much more comfortable in the dark for a while so I let her be that way.

The bottom of the shell, notice the distinctive pattern and the large concave area in the center. Also important to note, the front and back of the plastron bend up so that when the turtle wants, the shell is completely closed and the turtle is completely protected. It's important to note Baron's shell can't close, at his most in his whole front and back have nice squishy Baron parts exposed.

Some food. Initially she was crabby about it.

Notice the growth patter, theoretically we could calculate the age but I doubt it.

Here's Baron around April, they really weren't too interested in each other.

More food.

She walked around for a while, look at that funny little tail!

Some more explorin, she was seein what was under the table.

I took one goodbye photo before letting her go, she had pretty brown eyes!

I'm a strange guy and I know this. I often do a lot of weird things for some reasonable goal, for example, fixing the Big Screen TV. Nevertheless, I do a lot of things for no purpose as well, and the best example is the gum wrapper foil ball. I don't really remember how I started, I do know it was my second year of undergrad sometime and that I had one and lost it before working on this second one. I started it by acquiring about 50 de-waxed wrappers and rolling them into a ball, meaning what you see is gum wrapper foil all the way to the core. I like to work on these when watching movies and stuff, just some mindless activity to keep my hands busy which seems to destress me.

This is the current state of the ball, with a nail clipper for a size comparison. It's a little bigger than a raquetball, maybe a little smaller then a tennis ball. It weighs a couple of pounds.

Here's the ball with an un-processed wrapper, once again for size comparison.

I have a process for removing the wax paper from the foil and leaving the foil as a full sheet, which I will now document. Here's a wrapper.

Flatten the wrapper out.

Pinch the end with the foil side in.

Roll the wrapper between your fingers for its entire length.

When you're done, it should still be bent. The rolling causes the wax to curl slower than the foil, seaprating them.

Now the ends should begin coming apart. Find any separation and begin to make it bigger with your finger.

I then slide my finger in which makes the separation bigger.

More separation.

Finally pulling the two layers together, the foil has some tacky glue on it still.

Here's the wrapper, separated.

Put the wrapper on the ball, glue side down.

Fold the wrapper around the ball.

More. . .

Finally, the wrapper is down, though not smooth.

I take the ball and roll it against a smooth table, pushing down. It compresses the foil and makes the surface smooth and shiny.

Come by my room and see it sometime, it's kind of amazing to look at and hold!